The importance of finding your Feelgood

As originally published in In Fitness And In Health on Medium.com.

Working out — some people love it; some people hate it. But there is little debate (arguably none) that exercise is good for you and an essential component of a healthy life. But why do we so often dislike what is good for us, and love what is bad for us? And, more importantly, how can we find a way to love what’s good for us — in this case exercise?

Let’s dive in…

Our mind works in mysterious ways…or does it?

It’s no secret that if we don’t like something, we tend to make every excuse in the book to procrastinate or avoid doing it altogether.

The problem with that is that it’s a vicious cycle.

Because our thoughts lead to our feelings. Our feelings lead to our behaviour. And our behaviour leads back to our thoughts, most often reinforcing what we already believe.

For example, about four years ago I was at a very low point in my life. I had just left a very toxic relationship and was chronically fatigued, weak, and pretty damn hopeless. I knew I needed to do something to get my strength back. Running was always my go-to, but a couple of years before I had undergone back surgery, and the state I was in caused my back to weaken again significantly, to a point where running was not advisable. So running was out, but was too embarrassed to go to the gym. I was never a gym rat, so feared I would look stupid on the machines. I feared others would judge me. I feared I wouldn’t be able to last 15 minutes given my physical (and emotional) condition. I feared I would never be able to get my strength and fitness back to what it once was.

Those thoughts led me to feel jealous of others who could, bad about myself that I couldn’t, and less attractive because of it.

Those feelings led me to avoid the gym because I didn’t want to see others who had what I couldn’t. I stopped trying.

That behaviour reinforced my belief that I couldn’t achieve what I wanted and all the negative thoughts that came along with that.

Our mind works to create the reality it thinks we want. Marisa Peer, world-renowned speaker, Rapid Transformational Therapy trainer and best-selling author, speaks about this extensively in relation to her Rapid Transformational Therapy work.

Tony Robbins, life coach and best-selling author, reinforces this message stating that 80% of success is down to mindset.

By this logic, if we change our thoughts, the rest will follow. So why is it so damn hard to change our thoughts?

We know exercise is good. We know we will feel good after. It’s logical. But that doesn’t matter.

Because emotion trumps logic. Every time.

To understand this we need to go back to our childhood. As young children, all our decisions were made based on emotion, because we had no logic.

According to the Reboot Foundation logic, the cognitive capacity for formal and reliable deduction is not natural to humans. We can only acquire it through learning — and only at an age when the cognitive system and brain development allow for such learning (between ages 12 and 15).

Stanford Medicine Children’s Health break it down further by differentiating the ability to think in concrete ways (developed between the ages of 6–12) and complex thinking, also known as formal logical operations (developed between the ages of 12–18).

With this in mind and the widely accepted Freudian theory that the first six years of life are the most important determinants of one’s personality, it is no surprise that our emotions still drive so many of our decisions.

Just think — how many times have you heard someone say: “I’m going to start running. I hate it, but I’m going to do it because I want to lose weight.”?

The intention is there, but the practice is always short-lived. Because it’s not fun for them. And their emotions override their logic.

So, if mindset (or thoughts) is 80%, I would argue the key to changing our thoughts is to change our emotions.

But how do you change your emotions — in this case about exercise — when you hate it?

Step 1: Reframe to reclaim your power

Not being able to fulfil our goals and dreams can easily make us feel like a failure or that we’re not enough.

The theory behind Rapid Transformation Therapy argues that the feeling of not being enough lies at the root of almost every problem we have, physical and other.

Whether you believe this theory or not, there’s no question that feeling not enough is disempowering to put it politely.

Living a healthy lifestyle, on the other hand, can go a very long way to making us feel like we are enough.

Jim Kwik, brain coach, podcaster, writer, and entrepreneur, famously said:

Our physiology affects our psychology and vice versa.

Going back to my situation which I outlined earlier in this article, I knew I had to find a way to move forward and get to that gym. The thought of working did not inspire me, so I came up with an alternative approach.

The word workout alone subconsciously sets us up to think of it as work — and that doesn’t help us.

Going back to mindset, if we think something will be hard, it most likely will be. Our mind constantly works to make our thoughts our reality.

Therefore, let’s help ourselves out and rename workout to Feelgood. Instead of saying “I’m going to work out”, try saying “I’m going to feelgood” instead. It’s what I did, and it felt empowering.

I got myself to the gym, and shortly thereafter also signed up for some sessions with a personal trainer to help get me back on track.

I challenge you to try this right now. Say both sentences out loud. Which one makes you feel better? Remember, it’s about elevating our emotions.

Then try saying it every day for a week and see how you feel. I’d love it if you shared your observations in the comments section!

Step 2: Get clear on your WHY

I believe that knowing your “why” is essential to success because it taps into our emotions.

When we‘re clear on our “why”, we can much more easily access the feeling associated with it. And when we do that, we can use those positive emotions to drive our behaviour.

Remember: thoughts —> feelings —> behaviour.

The more specific you can get about your “why”, the more likely you are to stick to your feelgood, even if you’re struggling to stay consistent.

Remember health is a lifestyle, not a goal in and of itself. But knowing your “why” is what will help you make it part of your lifestyle. Those goals will likely fall into one, or more, of three categories:

1. Become healthier — you’ve recently had a medical scare and your doctor told you to shape up or you’ll kick the bucket sooner than you’d like 😬.

2. Look great naked — you’ve recently gone through a breakup and are looking to get out there again, or bikini season is coming up and you plan on being a sun worshipper all season long 👙.

3. Be happy — you are pretty content with life, but know things could be even better if you felt a little more comfortable in your own skin, and a little stronger 🤗.

As part of your “why,” think about how your life will be different when you get into the habit of your feelgood routine. How will you feel when you have more energy, feel stronger, more confident, and all the other benefits that come from having a feelgood habit? Who else will benefit from it — your kids, your partner, your employees? Don’t underestimate the impact you can have on others.

Once you’ve established how you will feel, visualise this feeling every day, and say it out loud, too. Look in the mirror and tell yourself: “I feel amazing!”; “I feel great!”; “I feel strong!”; “I feel like I can do anything!”; etc. (always in the present tense, NOT the future). I know this may feel odd at first, but remember your mind is wired to make your thoughts your reality. If you tell it how you want to feel, it will help you get there!

In my case, my “why” really encompassed all three points above. As I said, I was at my lowest point in life at the time. So I didn’t just practice speaking kindly to myself every day, I wrote messages to myself on my bathroom mirror and stuck images of warrior queens around my apartment. Call me crazy, but it helped.

Step 3: Find your Feelgood

Remember earlier on in this article I wrote about young children only having emotion, not logic?

This is why I recommend going back in time to find what will feel good in the future.

Most children like to run around outside and play. I know I did — my brother and I used to beg for ‘extra’ time outside on those long summer nights. This is yet another sign that our body’s innate wisdom knows what’s good for us. It may have been sports that we were doing, but we called it ‘playtime.’ And that’s the key to identifying your feelgood.

Whatever you defined as playtime as a child can serve as an excellent guide for fun as an adult — the activity just has to be translated.

For example, when I was in primary school I used to love playing tag. I quickly realised that I was faster than everyone, so would never get caught. And that made me feel great! I could run around the playground for ages and never get tired of it.

Little did I know at the time that running would turn into my thing, and save my life over and over again. To this day, it keeps me fit, clears my head, builds my self-confidence, and gives me my much-needed ‘me time’.

Here are some other examples of kids’ playtime translated into possible Feelgoods:

• Cops & robbers –> try running in teams

• Kicking a ball around with the dog –> try football

• Climbing around on the jungle gym –> try rock climbing

Also, consider whether you prefer to play alone or with others. Whatever you did as a kid is likely a good preface for what you (could) love today. If you loved cops & robbers and would like to try running, then consider joining a running group, or recruiting a running buddy. Cops & robbers is a group game, so you will likely enjoy a group activity again. If you climbed the jungle gym all on your own, you can easily try rock climbing alone, too — indoor or outdoor, depending on your preference or the weather.

Now, I know there are some of you out there who are rolling their eyes and thinking “I never liked running around as a kid — I was the quiet, wallflower type.” Well, fear not, my friends, there is a solution for everyone!

If that was the case, why not try something like Tai Chi? For those of you who are unfamiliar with Tai Chi, it is a graceful form of exercise. It involves a series of movements performed in a slow, focused manner and is accompanied by deep breathing. And if you’re thinking that may not do much for you physically, you’d be wrong. Give it a go and see for yourself!

If you choose to go through this exercise, once again I’d love it if you share in the comments section your favourite playtime as a kid, and how you translated that into your Feelgood for today.

Health is not a goal. It’s a lifestyle.

We’ve addressed how to access elevated emotions to support decisions that serve you versus harm you.

Instead of thinking, feeling and saying: “I have to go to the gym which will be hard, because I feel terrible, and I’m not sure I can ever get back my former fitness level.” I began thinking, feeling, and saying: “I’m going to my Feelgood so that I can get back to running and look good doing it.”

I reframed to feel empowered. I became clear on my WHY. I know what my Feelgood is — and it makes me feel good!

But as you go through this process, also consider the reality of your current life. The key to success is to be consistent. Always. And to do that, I believe it’s important to be realistic.

What is your life like? What is your daily schedule like? At the end of the day, everything is about priorities and healthy boundaries, so go back to your “why,” and then figure out how your Feelgood will fit into your life. What will work consistently?

• 3 days a week for 30 minutes?

• 4 days a week for 20 minutes?

• Saturday & Sundays for 1 hour each day?

Whatever it looks like, that’s great — just be honest with yourself. You have nothing to prove to anyone.

This is about YOU, for YOU. And it’s about progress, not perfection.

You can always start small and increase your Feelgood duration and/or frequency as you go.

…..

I hope this has inspired you to bring playtime, or as I like to call it, Feelgood time back into your life. Your body, mind and soul will all thank you for it! And if you are struggling to get there and would like some support, I’m here for you!

Here’s to feeling good again!

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