AND HOW WE CHOOSE OUR SELF-FULFILLING PROPHESIES

As originally published in Change Your Mind Change Your Life on Medium.com.

Believe. Behave. Become.

These were the words Dr. Joe Dispenza kept repeating at a recent retreat I attended in Switzerland. It made sense at the time, but the more I’ve pondered these words since then, the more real they are to me.

This article explores our personal power to choose our health, happiness, and ultimately, at least to a certain extent, our fate.

…..

This article is also an expansion on insight #2 of my recent article “Quite Possibly the Only Knowledge You Need To Change Your Life” after multiple requests to expand on the insights with ways to implement the lessons learned.

Our Subconscious Is in Charge

As an RTT Hypnotherapist, I have come to understand the power of our subconscious mind.

95% of who we are is a set of memorised behaviours, emotional reactions, beliefs, perceptions, and attitudes. They function like a subconscious computer program below our conscious awareness.

Your brain is like a supercomputer, and your self-talk is the program it will run.

— Jim Kwik

Beliefs we hold about ourselves are created based not on the events that occur in our lives but on the meaning we give to them — on our memory of them.

Our thoughts and beliefs lead to our feelings. Our feelings lead to our behaviour. Our behaviour leads back to our thoughts. It’s a loop, and negative thoughts and beliefs quickly become self-fulfilling prophesies.

For example, you’re backstage before giving a presentation and think you’re going to be terrible. This is the thought and belief.

As a result, you start to sweat, your heart starts to race, and you may feel light-headed. This is the feeling.

By the time you get to the stage, you’re a hot mess and forget half of what you were going to say. At the end of the presentation, you tell everyone, “See, I knew I’d be terrible.” This is the behaviour.

This behaviour reinforces your thought and belief that you are terrible at giving presentations. This is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

But the good news is that the same theory applies to positive thoughts and beliefs.

How To Improve Our Thoughts and Beliefs

A belief is a thought we think over and over and over again.

Therefore, to form new beliefs we need to think new thoughts.

New thoughts are only possible if we let go of old ones.

To let go of old ones, we must first understand what they are, and more importantly, where they came from.

And this requires tapping into our subconscious.

I spent most of my life in unhealthy relationships, forever trying to fix things and wishing and wanting the other person to change.

I saw the problem with my situation and with the other person but never saw the problem with me. To me, it was about right and wrong, good and bad, and the “wrong” person had to change.

And this is the case for most people. Because it’s much easier to blame something or someone else for our unhappiness than it is to look in the mirror.

But our external relationships are a reflection of the relationship we have with ourselves. Our personality creates our personal reality. And it has nothing to do with right or wrong, good or bad.

It took me a long time to identify my subconscious fear of being alone and then to understand that beneath that lay a belief of not being enough. And this fear and belief is more common than most can imagine — I wrote about the topic in “Why We Feel Like We Are Not Enough.”

Once I understood the origin of my negative thoughts and beliefs, I also understood that whilst they at one point in life were necessary, they no longer served me today. This realisation allowed for an upgrade.

The Challenge of Change

The hardest part about change is not making the same choices we did the day before.

We cannot have a better tomorrow if we keep holding on to our thoughts and emotions of yesterday. I wrote more about this in “Our Thoughts and Feelings Create an Electromagnetic Charge Around Us.”

As humans we inherently dislike change. And changing our personality, so that we can change our reality, takes a serious dose of humility and patience.

Self-improvement is not linear — at least not in my experience.

There are many highs and lows, and I believe triggers are growth tests.

I’m grateful for the partner I have today. My outer world is a reflection of all the inner work I have done over the past years.

But he also triggers me in ways so unlikely it’s scary.

For example, one evening we ordered Indian food. Instead of eating with a knife and fork, he left the table only to come back with the large serving spoon to eat the meal. Not only was this bizarre, it was something my ex did all the time.

This example is of such a small, seemingly insignificant action, but my body reacted to the experience in the same way it used to react around my ex. My heart started to race, I became very anxious, and all of a sudden I felt unsafe.

Logically this made no sense. But emotion trumps logic. Every time.

After all the work I’ve done on myself and all the knowledge and know-how I have today, it was frustrating and almost embarrassing that something so trivial could still get under my skin.

The difference between me then and now is that I choose not to label it as embarrassing. I accept my emotions as they are, and can look at them, and my situation, from an objective perspective and see it for what it is, even if not always right away. And that’s progress.

The more we lean into the discomfort of change, the more familiar it becomes. The more familiar it becomes, the easier it is to navigate.

As we begin to climb the ladder to more positive thoughts and beliefs, we change our behaviour and our frequency to a raised vibration — we change our personality. And sooner or later, our outer world will reflect this.

Other people — our relationships — help us on this journey.

The truth is we can self-improve a lot on our own, but we learn more about ourselves through our relationships with other people than we do alone. Others show us our wounds that we cannot see without them.

It’s tough. But once we can objectively look at our subjective selves, we can make better choices. A memory without the emotional charge is called wisdom.

“Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.”

— John F. Kennedy

I’ve wanted to run away so many times. But I know this relationship is an important part of my learning, and continued self-evolution.

The point is we always have a choice. We have the power to choose our thoughts. Choose our emotions. Choose our behaviour.

It may not always be a choice we like. It’s rarely an easy choice. But the choice is there, nevertheless. And as such, we have the power, to a large extent, to choose our fate.

It’s About Progress, Not Perfection

I wish I could say that I’ve nailed my personality, and therefore my personal reality. But alas, I cannot.

The theory is one thing. Practice is a whole different ball game. Both are essential.

What I can say is that I am an entirely different person today than I was a few years ago. For the better. I’ve picked up a boatload of knowledge about human behaviour, self-care techniques, coping skills and creating a life I want along the way.

I love my boyfriend but love me more. My choices and actions reflect that. I have boundaries.

This relationship is not easy, but it is healthy.

Peace has replaced chaos. Gratitude has replaced bitterness. Love has replaced codependence.

And at the end of the day, I think for all of us, it’s about progress, not perfection.

…..

Believe. Behave. Become.

And wherever you are on your healing journey, always remember that YOU ARE ENOUGH.

To learn more about how to raise your vibration through the power of the collective click here.

For more frequent information and inspiration on relationships, health, human potential & lifestyle design follow me on Instagram.