Why Increasing Your Self-Worth Is Key to Increasing Your Net Worth
Money: A Love-Hate Relationship
As originally published in Change Your Mind Change Your Life on Medium.com.
Image: francescoch on iStock
Money — a topic that’s been around since the beginning of time. Love it or hate it, we all need it. It’s important. And let’s just be honest — the more, the merrier. To be clear, (more) money does not make you a better person, but it does give you choices. And having a choice is always better than not having one. So why does it remain such a difficult topic for so many?
The Historical Mindset Around MoneyLooking back in time, society was very different than it is today (in many parts of the world). Men were the hunters, women the caretakers. Men became the breadwinners, women remained the caretakers. This structure not only left women dependent on men for actual survival, but meant they were never really exposed to money or the foundational skills required to manage it. Today, the roles of men and women are more blurred than ever - and thank goodness for progress! However, the same mindset around money still prevails to a large extent, in both men and women. But why?
The Fear of Asking for MoreHave you ever been told that you are too cocky because you asked for a higher salary? I have. In fact, I was laughed out of the room by my boss. Not only did the response infuriate me, but my self-confidence took a solid clobbering. I wonder how many men have had this experience…
If you’re wondering what happened next — I buckled down, did a kick-ass job, and ultimately got what I asked for, but I could not help thinking it shouldn’t be that way!
How much time did I lose by doing that? Would it have been different elsewhere? Would it have been different if I were a man? And how many of us never dare ask for a raise out of fear for that very response?
Add other factors such as the gender pay gap; taking time out to have children; taking time out to care for elders, etc. to the mix, and it’s not surprising so many of us — especially women — struggle to earn more.
Here’s a different perspective on that situation though. If we actually believed we are worthy of more, would we not always demand it, no matter what? If you have chosen to take time out to have a child, you could negotiate a salary from your husband/partner. After all, the child is both of yours, and being a full time caretaker is just as important a job as any other (arguably far more important). But how many women actually do this? Not many — and it begs the question: why on earth not?
If you are unhappy with your salary, you generally have three options: do nothing; negotiate and increase your salary; or leave. Options two and three could, of course, easily go hand in hand. So why do so many people choose option one, and just complain about it?
The Origin of Limiting BeliefsThe reason most people do not get what they want is because of fear of rejection. And fear of rejection stems from a deep-seeded belief that you are not good enough.
I learned this the hard way. I stayed in plenty of unhealthy situations because I was too afraid to move away from them. What would happen? Would I be OK? All valid concerns, yet the bigger concern should have been — what if I stay? How much will I lose by staying? And in my case, the answer was A LOT.
The truth is, I never had enough faith in myself. I thought I did. On some level, I knew how capable I was, yet deep-rooted insecurities held me back for years. I was decent at salary negotiations, yet often too afraid to leave jobs in which I knew I could no longer grow. This also applied to the equally important element of managing money (in order to make more money). For years I was interested in investing, even took courses, yet never dared to actually invest my money. So where do these beliefs come from?
I grew up in a very traditional family. My father worked and earned the money. My mother was a stay-at-home Mom and homemaker. She never managed money and, at least in front of me, never expressed any interest in doing so.
My grandparents were the same. My father would discuss financial matters with my brother, but not with me. So, I did not have a direct model growing up, and subconsciously I also believed that I was not capable of making/managing a lot of money.
At school there was no class on negotiating or investing, and in just about every company I worked at, speaking of money and salaries was total taboo. And I’m pretty sure my experience is not the exception, but the rule for most women out there. It’s no wonder so many of us feel out of sorts when it comes to money and speaking our truth about it.
How to Break Free from Limiting BeliefsSo how do we change this? Through education and execution. Today we have access to so many books and online courses that we could learn just about anything. That is the education part.
The execution part is where it becomes far more challenging. For starters, that requires you to take responsibility for your own financial health. And in order to do that, you must overcome any limiting beliefs you have about money. For that to happen, you must let go of any limiting beliefs you hold about yourself. You must believe that you are capable and worthy — and therein lies the challenge for most people. It certainly was mine.
The Link Between Self-Worth and Net WorthSo do you now see how increasing your self-worth is essential to increasing your net worth? How you feel about yourself directly impacts the world around you, and what you can accomplish. A while back, I wrote about why the most important relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself. It addresses mindset and how important it is to elevating your self worth.
Having a net worth that you are happy with is critical to your health. Forever struggling financially causes so much stress which will at some point, somehow, manifest itself physically.
To reiterate what I said at the beginning of this article — having money gives you choices. If you are in an unhealthy relationship, having your own money will give you the choice to leave. If you are in a job that is making you miserable, having your own money will afford you the circumstances to file your resignation, even without another job immediately lined up. If you’ve always dreamt of starting your own business, having your own money will give you the opportunity to do so. Choices. They are a good thing. And something we can all have more of.
Practical Steps to Increase Your Self-Worth (and Net Worth!)It took me years to understand and start letting go of my limiting beliefs about myself and money. Here are three tips that have helped me along the way:
Change your passwords to statements of truth For security reasons you should obviously choose more than one. Pick a handful (or more) and start implementing them today. Remember to always write them in the present tense. Examples could include: Iamlovable, Iambeautiful, Iamwealthy, Iamabundant, etc You can always add some numbers and symbols at the end to make the passwords more secure.
Surround yourself with people who share your values and goals Take a good look at who you spend your time with. In the words of motivational speaker Jim Rohn: "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." The people you spend the most time with shape who you are. They determine what conversations dominate your attention. And where your attention goes, energy flows. So be sure you are paying attention to things you want, and not things that you don't want.
Visualise your abundant life When you feel undeserving of money, there is often guilt associated with having lots of it, for one reason or another. To shift this belief, think about whose lives you can positively impact when you have money. Who will you help, and how will you feel when you live in abundance? Actively feel that feeling NOW, and your mind will work towards creating that reality.
Wherever you are on your journey, always remember that YOU ARE ENOUGH.
