How To Create Stable, Fair and Free Relationships
True connection begins with you
As originally published in Change Your Mind Change Your Life on Medium.com.
Image: Khadeeja Yasser on Unsplash
I was 13 when I was sent to boarding school. That’s where I discovered the incredible freedom that came from running — both literally and emotionally. The track became my sanctuary, my space to process the chaos I didn’t yet know how to name. Years later, I realised it wasn’t just the speed or the sweat that kept me going — it was the feeling of peace and self-trust it gave me. I didn’t know it then, but that was the beginning of learning what it means to have a relationship with myself.
Creating free, fair, and emotionally stable relationships starts there — with you. Most of us grow up absorbing the beliefs of our families, society, and early experiences. For me, that meant learning to be obedient, never quit, and that my worth was tied to what others thought of me. It also meant tolerating pain, emotionally abandoning myself, and ignoring red flags until my body screamed for help.
Eventually, I reached a breaking point. After surviving a series of abusive relationships — one so toxic it landed me in the hospital multiple times — I finally quit. That decision saved my life. Because sometimes quitting isn’t weakness. Sometimes quitting is power.
There’s no point in explaining your absence to someone who didn’t value your presence. That’s a lesson I learned the hard way. It taught me to stop justifying my worth to people who couldn’t see it. And to shift my energy inward, toward healing, rather than outward, toward pleasing.
When I began my journey back to coaching, I dove into the world of personal development with an open heart and relentless determination. I got certified as an Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, RTT Practitioner, and Hypnotherapist. And I finally understood the key to lasting relationships: you attract what you believe you deserve.
Other people’s behaviour is not a reflection of who you are. It’s your perception of their behaviour that is.
That single realisation unlocked a deep shift in my inner world. The way we interpret someone’s actions often reveals more about our own wounds than theirs. Are they distant — or are you afraid of intimacy? Are they unreliable — or do you still believe you’re not worth showing up for?
In learning to love and understand myself, I developed a few key practices that helped me build healthier relationships:
Listen to your body. It always knows. Discomfort is information. Fatigue is wisdom. Your nervous system remembers things your mind wants to forget.
Say what you mean. The Law of Attraction hears your real meaning. If you pretend to be okay when you’re not, you’ll continue to attract situations that reflect that disconnect.
Set boundaries, and respect them. Not out of fear, but out of self-respect. Boundaries are the container that allow love to grow safely.
Stop chasing closure from people who don’t matter. Their disrespect and disregard for you was your closure.
Redefine family and love. Some of my deepest connections today are with people I met later in life. Don’t let biology or tradition define who deserves access to your heart.
Healing is not linear, and growth is often uncomfortable. But if you’re willing to look honestly at your patterns — and have the courage to change the story — you can build relationships that are deeply fair, fiercely loyal, and beautifully free.
You are not broken. You are becoming.
So wherever you are in your journey, always remember that YOU ARE ENOUGH. Not when you fix yourself. Not when they love you. Now. As you are.
And the love you seek? It starts with the relationship you build with yourself.
